when the endorphins are on the low February 16, 2009

Feeling a little bit down now, coupled with some disappointment and homesickness.

I don’t know why I’m feeling down though. As for disappointment, I am well aware of why. The result of this disappointment is a pinch of loneliness. You probably don’t know what I’m talking about.

I usually play The Fray’s Look After You on repeat when I’m feeling down.

I won’t be looking forward to tomorrow. Or technically, today. Class from 8am till 7.30pm with no long break in between is no joke. I’ve geared up myself by preparing all my stuff so that I won’t need to rush in the morning. All that’s left is what to wear.

It’ll be a week since the security guard stopped me for dressing “indecently”. I’m half tempted to wear a short skirt tomorrow, just to see if the same security guard will purposely come inside the lecture hall and beckon for “ah moi itu” to come out again.

But nah. Why risk my disciplinary record over a rude and hostile security guard?

Tomorrow is going to be boring and lonely. Already charged the China mp3 player’s battery, and even put an issue of Marie Claire inside my bag to read (probably) during Comm Theory. Because seriously, it is that boring. No offense, Ms Tan.

Sometimes I wonder how I’m going to score that paper. If all questions are asked based on articles like the one she gave us last week before tutorials, I guess I could get slightly above average. Those articles were pretty simple. But the propaganda one? A killer.

I’m feeling a little homesick. It’s my mother’s birthday tomorrow (or today. Whatever). A bit rare for me to say, but I kind of miss her and my dad. I know I complain so much about her incessant nagging while I’m at KL, but talking to my parents on the phone every night is quite a treat, providing I’m not busy at the moment.

I thought there was going to be a public holiday next Monday, so I contemplated going back this weekend even though I have a dentist appointment next Sunday. I called the dentist’s to ask if they have a free schedule this weekend, and they said no, but I could come in and wait in line. Then I found out that there wasn’t a public holiday on Monday. I hope they didn’t cancel my next Sunday’s appointment. My phone credit ran out before I could confirm anything. I guess I’ll have to call back tomorrow.

Tomorrow is also the start of the certification of documents for PTPTN. I predict there’ll be a lot of people, which means more waiting. I don’t like waiting. I tend to be a little impatient. Furthermore, Malaysian’s aren’t the type to queue up in order, which I find quite annoying. I wish more people would think of being a little more civilised and queueing up properly, but I find that quite a lot of young, educated Malaysians still have the belief of pushing their way, being first, and not queueing up. Tell me, if there are still people thinking this way (especially young educated Malaysians), how will we ever have a civilised society like our neighbour, Singapore?

The same goes with public transportation. It’s like a dog eat dog world, in the uncivilised way. Sigh, I don’t want to elaborate. I am ranting, and this is not helping in making me feel better. I am still, emo.

I shall go to sleep. The 8am class awaits me. *whoops for joy unenergetically*

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fluorescent lights January 24, 2009

I really don’t like taking public transportation during the nighttime. There’s something about staring out the window as the skies darken, and the yellow tinged streetlights dim out everything in a non-romantic way. But the main reason why I don’t like to use public transportation during the nighttime is because of the fluorescent lighting inside the transport.

I’ve never been averse to fluorescent lighting, and I couldn’t understand why people always said it was “harsh”. But obviously, that was before I started taking public transport on what you call a “frequent-basis”.

Imagine coupling a long distance journey on the bus or train at night, together with some emo songs. Recipe for an eye opener on how bleak life is.

Yesterday I took the KTM back to KL, which was okay, I guess. The biggest and main spoiler of it was that they played Poseidon on the tv. I have never watched Poseidon before, so I welcome any activity to take my mind off sleeping (actually, I saved a book to read on the train. And yes, I don’t sleep on public transportation. Security issues.).

Poseidon is by far, the most depressing movie I have ever watched.

I mean seriously, there have been many movies about people dying a cruel and horrible death like Final Destination, but this really takes the cake. At least in Final Destination, they can’t foresee how they’re going to die, but in Poseidon they’re like sitting ducks waiting to drown.

Actually, they’re both pretty much the same but Poseidon is really more depressing than FD. I rate it the #1 worst movie to watch on a public transportation. The #1 depressing scene in that movie was when the few of them had to cross the lift, and the waiter was the last guy to cross. Poor guy, he was so nice to even insist that the old man go before him. In the end, both their weight was too much and the old man had to kick the young waiter down to his impending horrible death (the bottom of the lift shaft was filled with sharp, stake-like things, and to top it off, the blazing lift fell down on his corpse).

It got me thinking, how horrible it must be to know how exactly you were going to die as you fall down, onto a sharp, piercing, bottom.

I swear, this is the last time I’m taking 2nd class on the KTM. The only difference it has with the economy class is probably the tv, and since they’re showing sucky movies, please, let me have the economy class. I’d rather watch rolling paddy fields than a sinking ship.

How did a rant about fluorescent lights changed to Poseidon? Nevermind, at least they both have something in common: depressing.

On a brighter note, I discovered Photoshop Actions today in Deviant Art! A little slow, but damn do I love this feature. No more lomo camera for me!

The Great Anime Post December 26, 2008

I’ve been compiling this post for quite some time now! I wanted to write this post since like, a few months ago but I keep on procrastinating. I think I should start now, ’cause the amount of animes I’ve been watching keeps on piling! Btw, these are the animes that I watch on Crunchyroll. I’ve mostly copied and pasted the synopsis from either Wikipedia or Crunchyroll, ’cause if you were to let me describe the synopsis I’d probably ramble and you won’t understand a word.

Strawberry Panic!

Aoi Nagisa is a first year high school student who has been sent to the Astraea Dormitory after her parents are transfered abroad. The dormitory houses girls from three different girls schools: St. Spica’s Academy, St. Le Rim Girl’s School and St. Miatre Girls Academy. There she meets the representative of the three girls schools, Hanazano Shizuma, also know as the Etoile, she is beloved by all the students at all the schools. The two of them have an interesting first encounter and Hanazano seems to take an instant liking for Aoi.

http://www.crunchyroll.com/library/Strawberry_Panic

Strawberry Panic is basically a lesbian anime. When I read the synopsis I thought it was more suited for guys, cause they love seeing girl on girl actions cause it’ll make them horny. Right? Anyway, I’ve never watched a lesbian anime and I like my anime with some ecchi-ness, so I thought, why not?

The story turned out to be quite sad and there were a few sob moments, especially during the flashbacks. There are minimal ecchi scenes, but it’s worth the wait cause it’s really…nice. Yeah.

Twilight December 18, 2008

I went to watch Twilight yesterday with Shereen. After watching it, I understood why girls love Edward Cullen so much. You should’ve been in the cinema; when Edward Cullen first appeared, there were these few girls in front who went, “Fuiyooooo!”

Tweens.

Anyway, I didn’t think Edward Cullen was very good looking. I mean, I preferred Robert Pattinson sans makeup and red lips, more so in the Harry Potter movie. But other than that, Edward Cullen was very charming, polite, caring; all the good qualities that a girl would love in a boyfriend.

If you watched it, there are scenes where Bella and Edward would escape into the forest and talk away. It’s like they have so much to talk about which brings to point one; girls love it if they have a lot things to talk about with their boyfriend.

And since girls are naturally very insecure creatures, girls love an earnest boyfriend. When Edward Cullen talks about “I can’t stop myself from being close to you” or “you’re like my own personal drug” (I know, cheesy, but it works on insecure girls) you can’t help but melt.

He’s also what the Chinese would say “sai sam” in Cantonese. At the end of the movie when he brought Bella to the prom, she still had a broken leg. So when they reached the steps, he naturally and automatically lifted her by the waist so that she needn’t lift her broken leg. Also, when she told him she didn’t know how to dance, he said he would make her. He lifted her and rested her feet on his, so when his feet moved, hers would as well!

*sigh* Yes, I understand why girls love Edward Cullen so much. It’s not so much about the looks; it’s the idea of him. Girls would kill to be in Bella’s shoes.

But actually, I think Carlisle Cullen is more good looking than Edward Cullen. :)

Anyway, it’s all fiction. I don’t think a guy as charming and earnest as Edward Cullen exists. Even if he does, he’ll most likely be a playboy.

Facebook and oldies December 1, 2008

So, old people who uses Facebook are supposed to be real “cool”. Or rather, that’s what they want us to think of them. I have no objections for them doing so, but man, if you’re retired already, and you’re not cool to begin with, getting FB to try and up your coolness factor is seriously uncool.

I cringe with embarrassment when I think of 60-year-old uncles adding people on FB like there’s no tomorrow and talking like a 20-year-old to them. One of the reasons why I dislike adding relatives on FB is because they’ll have access to my pictures, what I write, and my personal life. I have no problems with cousins, especially sporting ones, ’cause they understand that my parents would not approve of me having a boyfriend now. So they keep it a secret, no problem. Unfortunately, there are also the other breed of cousins who have no qualms of ratting on you to their parents, leading to their parents telling your parents, etc etc.

The easy way would be to not add them. Yeah, but it’s sort of disrespectful to not approve them, after they’ve requested to add you. But then my biggest problem is not my cousins.

It’s the 2nd generation. Namely, my uncles and aunties. My family would be considered quite open, but somehow, someway, my parents aren’t. Most of my cousins already have boyfriends/girlfriends and their parents allow it. What worries me most is that my aunties and uncles will blab to my mother. Such headache. I’ve even resorted to removing my personal blog from the FB info. Gawd knows what would happen if they read what I wrote.

So first it was my 60-plus uncle from New Zealand who started using FB. Then his brother, my uncle, who lives one road away from me is using FB??? Now, my mother’s sister is using FB. She hasn’t added me yet – Thank Gawd for small favours – but I can see the possibility looming.

I dislike poseurs!

Alone November 26, 2008

I went out alone to Pyramid today. I personally did not want the boyfriend along ’cause I was gonna buy his gift, so yeah. Plus, none of my friends were free. :(

I actually looked forward to going out myself last week, ’cause my dad was on leave and it felt too cramped in the house and I needed a breath of fresh air (literally. the paint fumes were killing me).

So uhm. Going out alone is okay. At least you get to decide yourself where you wanna go, and you can go into any shops without people judging you. For the record, I went inside a few shops I’ve been wanting to go in, but not in front of people. Like, lala shops. Wanted to check it out, see how the clothes are like…not that I’m turning into one! I did find the long vest I was looking for retailing for RM29.90 at one of the shops in Asian Avenue so DEARRRR LET’S GO THERE NEXT WEEK xP

Also, I found out that the gladiator heels I saw and fell in love with is sold in Forever 21 but damn it sucked that I only found out when I got home. Hopefully it’s not too expensive and hopefully it’s available!

I wanted to buy this facial product B.liv by Cellniq that can remove your blackheads and stuff, but it costs RM139 for only 30ml so yeah I ended up not buying that, but a similar product by Pure & Mild for only RM14.30 can you see the difference?

Having lunch posed a problem though. Since I had sushi cravings since yesterday, I went to Sushi King today. No, no Sakae Sushi for me ’cause they have such little range of sushi and I don’t wanna go to Sushi Groove ’cause it sounds expensive. I even brought along a book with me in case I got lonely while eating, but I ended up not reading it. Sushi King was filled with people, so eating alone was quite a challenge. I guess I managed to keep up by eavesdropping on the two Malay girls sitting beside me. For the record, I could not understand much. Not that my BM deteriorated, it’s just that their slang and use of jargons are way too much. Y’know, like ko tau tak, smalam dia fon aku, awek dia pantat la! cam pondan aje. You get my drift. It’s kind of akward eating alone when most other people are at least in a pair. It’s like eating in the school cafeteria alone, and everybody is sort of feeling sorry for the person eating alone.

I have this problem about being alone. I get kind of scared, and also feel like everybody’s watching me. Watching me and thinking like, oh, she’s all alone. How terrible. I feel so sorry for her. She probably has no friends. Yeah I’m paranoid. But I guess I have to face it. The funny thing is, most of the time I am alone. I should be used to it. But I’m not. I don’t mind being alone alone, like there is nobody surrounding me. I am the sole person in a place. Or a room, or a building. If there are a lot of people around, I tend to get a little paranoid.

Here’s another weird thing. I’m afraid of being in no company in places that I am familiar with. I don’t mind being alone in a place I’m not so familiar to. In fact, the feeling is kind of content. Like sometimes I walk from the bus station to the LRT station, I’m not really familiar there. If I know where I’m going, I like being alone. In familiar places…like Pyramid, the school, and so on, I’m terrified of being in no company. Probably it’s the ego problem, like I see someone I’m acquainted with and they see me alone and think, doesn’t she have any friends? Why is she always alone? I do have friends. I just don’t need to stick with them all the time.

On another note, I need a new pair of jeans. The jeans I recently bought is kind of low, and keeps slipping down. Or maybe I need to lose more ass flab.

thinking November 21, 2008

My father used to have this big ass radio. It could also play casettes. We’ve had it for as long as I could remember. When we moved to this current house, my father allowed me to have the radio in my room, since he didn’t use it. I used to listen to the radio till I fell asleep. The radio had a sleep mode, so I could set it to sleep after like, an hour or so. Back then it was my early secondary school days. I used to listen to Hitz.fm.

The radio’s gone. My father donated it off while I was at Kampar, so I wasn’t there to stop him from doing so. I was so used to falling asleep to music, so I listened to my mp3 player. But nowadays I don’t listen to Hitz.fm no more. Hitz.fm started remixing almost every single song, turning it into some trance/techno kind of clubbing music. Technically, it sucked. So I started listening to Fly fm, which plays the same kind of music Hitz.fm used to play.

Essentially, I didn’t change. I still liked the same kind of music. Sometimes other things or people change, but you don’t. But you still have to move on. It’s not your fault, and not the other party’s fault. It’s just…things change. So you gotta find something else that suits you.

It’s cincher not clincher!! November 13, 2008

Four posts in a day for that blog. I am so pooped. As of now I am still looking at different online boutiques for updates! I even have another entry planned in my mind even though the current entry I am working on isn’t done yet. Haha.

Usually I won’t do so many posts in one day, but my no.1 competitor is up and running and I don’t wanna lose out. :( There’s like this imaginary race where the reviewers gear up and race to see who can post the latest (and I mean really latest) clothing that just popped up. In a way it’s sort of like the real journalist’s world, the reporters have to get their scoop quickly, publish ‘em quickly, and whoever gets the news first wins.

I have received quite a few emails from owners of these blog shops giving me their address and asking for a review. I always tell them I will pay their shops a visit, but no promises about getting a review. Some of the shops…the newbies, have really nice clothes. Some are totally not to my taste, so I don’t review them. Then later, I see my no.1 competitor writing a review about them, when the item being reviewed is very obviously not nice! But again, perhaps it’s just my opinion. For example, I am not a fan of gladiator flats, and a shiny silver one is definitely not in my list, so I don’t review it. Note that particular blog owner asked me to visit their site. Then ASD reviews that particular item and I feel like, should I just write a review so as to not lose out?

Anyway I did not write a review about it. Why fake that I like something when in fact I loathe it? I do admit I do not clamour over all the things I review about, but at least I don’t hate them. So I will try and stay true to myself!!

Another issue is that a few people suggested I should not put up my personal email, that I should create another email for this purpose. I have thought of it, but if I created another email, I would not check it very often. I’m lazy that way, hehe. Perhaps I will. Okay okay fine I will.

On another note! I find it so irritating that so many blogshops are calling these clinchers:

 

They are not clinchers!! They are called CINCHERS, do use Google once in awhile to check what it means. :(

Noun	1.	clincher – an argument that is conclusive determiner, determining factor argument, statement – a fact or assertion offered as evidence that something is true; “it was a strong argument that his hypothesis was true”
	2.	clincher – a point or fact or remark that settles something conclusively decisive factor causal factor, determinant, determining factor, determinative, determiner – a determining or causal element or factor; “education is an important determinant of one’s outlook on life”
	3.	clincher – a tool used to clinch nails or bolts or rivets

Taken from TheFreeDictionary.com

A waist cincher (sometimes referred to as a Waspie) is a belt worn around the waist to make the wearer’s waist physically smaller, or to create the illusion of being smaller.

Taken from Wikipedia.

I still do use Google, in fact, I use it very often now to find out the difference between plaids, checks, and gingham and jumpsuit, romper, and playsuit!

And guess what I found out? Many of us has been using checks to define this pattern:

Actually it’s called gingham.

This is checks. And it’s also called plaids.

I also realized that jumpsuits, playsuits and rompers are the same thing. Hah.

See, it pays to do research. *smug*

(Yeah yeah I know I sound like I’m a fuggin’ expert in this field already.)

Gimme a few days to work on a fashion blog and I’m spurting out jargons like vintage, boat necked, plaids, rompers, etc.

And I am loving it!

Pity September 25, 2008

I see a look of disapproval when she glances in my direction, gaze settling on what I am wearing. It’s a little low cut. It’s a little revealing at the back. The colour’s a little loud.

Do you disapprove because you’re unable to wear what I wear, because you’re tied down by your religion and culture?

Do you disapprove, because your mind tells you young girls should not be dressed in such?

Do you disapprove, and think that girls like me deserved to be raped because of such “provocative” wear?

I just pity you, that’s all.

Disclaimer: The above was just an observation from today.